May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor

Imagine you were told today,

Death would come sooner that just some day.

Imagine your heart skipping a beat,

Cancer had struck and you felt defeat.

Imagine a hand reaching out to hold,

Offering love, friendship, and strength to be bold.

Imagine a Mother ready to fight,

Two boys who needed her, she couldn't die that night.

Imagine a nurse who was now the patient,

Her friends and her family would be her inspiration.

Imagine a year since the news that day,

And YOU will know the power when God's children Pray.

I think we are all guilty of waiting and hoping for someday in the future when our lives will be different. When we have the time...the money...the right moment! We wait to pursue our hopes, goals, and dreams. For many of us, someday never comes. We just continue to postpone our lives waiting for that perfect time in our lives. We become consumed with the worries of tomorrow, the regrets of yesterday, and how busy we are today. We miss out on the very moment, the only day we are promised, to change our lives ... TODAY! We miss today. Full of opportunities to touch and inspire others around you. To remember without regret. To live fully self-expressed.

I promised myself one year ago that I wouldn't just look at life differently, I would also live differently. I took time to notice things that before would have gone on the "Later" list. I've cried, hurt, feared, screamed, laughed, healed, challenged, loved and celebrated.

 Cancer taught me about TODAY.

I've learned that today is the day to say "I love you."

Today is the day to tell someone "I appreciate you more than you will ever know"

Today is the day to say, "I'm sorry, will you forgive me" and today is the day to "Forgive"

Today is the day to forgive yourself, to let go, to love life.

Today is the day to stop and count your blessings.

TODAY it is my hope that your life will be forever changed. Today is the day I hope you remember. When looking back on your life, to say, "THAT was the DAY"!!!  That was the day I started living differently. That was the day I started living my life to the fullest... no matter where ... no matter the circumstances. 

Tied together by the staff of the
RNICU, Bound Forever in Love

This blog, for the most part, has been an unedited revealing of myself. In anticipation of this day, I had spent some time working on what I would say on such an important milestone of my life. I thought I had it finished but I was surprised, overwhelmed, when I walked into the UAB RNICU today. Here is another picture diary of what I experienced. 

My Nurse Manager, Donna Purvis, who made working with cancer a possiblilty.

Page Paradise who will never let me stop fighting!

Christie Campbell who introduced me to "The Faces of Cancer"
A calendar constructed to raise money for research and awareness.

Jennifer and Chrisie, a smiling face and a comforting word were always there when I needed it.

This sign read "Happy 1st Anniversary Juliet! Not just another Survivor - Our Hero"
Really.... They are mine!

I can't believe it! I'm a grape!!!!
Toni, you can finally retire.

That face says, how could I ever thank you enough

Susan, Mama Sue! Always supportive, loving, and full of hugs!

Hoping that one day Carcinoid Cancer will be a ghost of the past

Thanks Jeff, you always make a day at work easier.

Lynette, a woman of many talents. Thank you for the
great cake and the heart-warming signs. I'll never forget
this day!

Kerri Alecia, thanks for helping with the details
during my leave. You are special to me, to all of us.

Tatayana, you are #1 in my book, no matter
what language you're speaking!
Denise, thank you and I still use my Garmin
to get me where I need to go.

Melissa, Marla, and Lyndsey! Your prayers and letters
helped me fight on hard days!

Nancy and Helen, there is nothing more warm than
your genuine smile and concern for me.

Andrea, Felicia, Angie, Amanda, Stephanie!
I've loved watching all of you grow into
amazing nurses.
 " If hope is born of suffering, if this is only the beginning,if there is no sudden healing...This is what it means to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it means to be loved and to know, the promise was .... that when everything fell, We'd be held."  

My dear precious family .... thank you for holding me.

To Hurried to Heal

Recently I had a candid discussion with my doctor. In discussing my current disease state and prognosis the medical advise was to "Be strong. Create a mental toughness that allows you to experience some freedom from cancer." At first, I was kind of offended. I thought .... what do you mean, "be strong, mentally tough"... I have been. I am usually my worse critic. I immediately started thinking of how I could be stronger. What could I do to achieve the mental toughness that could create a "mind over matter" and beat cancer. Not just to create "some" freedom from cancer, but compete freedom. I talked to the wisest woman I know ... Mama! She said, "Sometimes you have to be weak and in doing so you find strength. Julie, you need to stop trying to be so strong. Take the time you need to heal. Lay down, take a nap when you don't feel good. It's ok. Don't feel like you just always have to keep going." Taking all that in I realized that I'd been to hurried to heal. It was time to slow down. I don't believe that God causes bad or unfortunate events in our lives. I believe that God is all good, all the time. He promises to bring good from evil and  He just proved it again in my life. I was rear- ended in a recent car accident and it broke my collar bone. I had to slow down and I believe it has been good for me.

I recently stumbled upon a wall of portraits. Mama and I were looking for a quiet place to sit while I waited for another dose of poison to work its way through my cells. As we made our way down a long hallway we began reading the stories of the people in those portraits. Each one seemed familiar to me. I felt like I knew them. I would go to the next picture and again, the same response. I knew these women. There stories were similar. There messages familiar. 

" Don't let fear paralyze you" from a woman prepared to fight, researching her enemy and planning her attack. 

"Fight like hell and know that you are not alone." The message from a woman who knows the power of the Great Physician. Who asked, just like me....do I have a fighting chance....I want to see my boys grow up.

"Let your family be there for you. Don't push them away." Her husband spoke of her determination. During chemotherapy she kept playing softball. He watched her make a hit, long and hard. As she rounded second base her knees started to give and he knew she was fighting hard to keep going. She went down, but just for a second.

" You're going to live. It's not the end of the world." The message from a strong woman, active as a writer and a mother. She too believes in angels. Her heart is powerful, as is her voice, trusting herself, listening to her body, being persistent and sometimes insistent, she keeps her weapons sharp.

As I walked back down this wall decorated with beauty and strength, they all seemed to smile at me. Their message, we've been where you are and we beat this....you will too.