To Hurried to Heal

Recently I had a candid discussion with my doctor. In discussing my current disease state and prognosis the medical advise was to "Be strong. Create a mental toughness that allows you to experience some freedom from cancer." At first, I was kind of offended. I thought .... what do you mean, "be strong, mentally tough"... I have been. I am usually my worse critic. I immediately started thinking of how I could be stronger. What could I do to achieve the mental toughness that could create a "mind over matter" and beat cancer. Not just to create "some" freedom from cancer, but compete freedom. I talked to the wisest woman I know ... Mama! She said, "Sometimes you have to be weak and in doing so you find strength. Julie, you need to stop trying to be so strong. Take the time you need to heal. Lay down, take a nap when you don't feel good. It's ok. Don't feel like you just always have to keep going." Taking all that in I realized that I'd been to hurried to heal. It was time to slow down. I don't believe that God causes bad or unfortunate events in our lives. I believe that God is all good, all the time. He promises to bring good from evil and  He just proved it again in my life. I was rear- ended in a recent car accident and it broke my collar bone. I had to slow down and I believe it has been good for me.

I recently stumbled upon a wall of portraits. Mama and I were looking for a quiet place to sit while I waited for another dose of poison to work its way through my cells. As we made our way down a long hallway we began reading the stories of the people in those portraits. Each one seemed familiar to me. I felt like I knew them. I would go to the next picture and again, the same response. I knew these women. There stories were similar. There messages familiar. 

" Don't let fear paralyze you" from a woman prepared to fight, researching her enemy and planning her attack. 

"Fight like hell and know that you are not alone." The message from a woman who knows the power of the Great Physician. Who asked, just like me....do I have a fighting chance....I want to see my boys grow up.

"Let your family be there for you. Don't push them away." Her husband spoke of her determination. During chemotherapy she kept playing softball. He watched her make a hit, long and hard. As she rounded second base her knees started to give and he knew she was fighting hard to keep going. She went down, but just for a second.

" You're going to live. It's not the end of the world." The message from a strong woman, active as a writer and a mother. She too believes in angels. Her heart is powerful, as is her voice, trusting herself, listening to her body, being persistent and sometimes insistent, she keeps her weapons sharp.

As I walked back down this wall decorated with beauty and strength, they all seemed to smile at me. Their message, we've been where you are and we beat this....you will too.