He is the Potter, I am the Clay

According to my doctors, I am running about 2 weeks ahead of schedule. According to me, I am about 2 weeks behind where I'd like to be. Guess that means I am right where I should be! Wow... how wonderful to be right where God wants you. I'll be the first to stand up and admit, I'm not always, haven't been always, and never will always, be right on the path that God desires for me. But it sure is a good feeling inside when you know you are right where He's led you. What a blessing. It happened to me when I held my sons for the first time. The day I embraced my Maw-Maw like it was the last time ... because it was. The day I realized the depth of my Mother's love for me, and knew that in her arms was the safest place in the world. As weak as I feel, as difficult the pain, as horrifying the appearance in the mirror, I feel content with knowing He's concerned, He's here, I'm stronger because of cancer. 


My face has been smiling at full capacity this past couple weeks. My baby... Jordan turned 14. My first born... Austin ran and finished the Mercedes Marathon. Both achievements left me with a heart of gratitude. How awesome to be alive. To be able to see the achievements of my children. There hugs have never felt better. There smiles have never brightened my day more. I am a new person because of cancer.


I continue to receive notes and messages that uplift me daily from all of you. I really never knew how many friends I had. I regret that many people really never know how they are cared for. Some walk through life feeling so lonely and as a result...empty. The old adage "Don't wait till the funeral to send the flowers"... I am more whole and more thankful because of cancer.


I'm stronger, I'm a new person, I'm more whole and more thankful from a disease that in moments brings you to your weakest, not yourself, your most broken and at times bitter.


This is more than a race to finish ... it's a daily ...no, it's a moment to moment journey, into the most vulnerable parts of humanity. I am where God wants me to be. 


He is the potter, I am the clay, 
He molds and He makes me better every day.
With Him on my side, I've nothing to fear,
I rest in His arms, He catches my tears.
He knew what October would bring in my life,
He guided the surgeons who would hold the knife.
He placed in my path the people who'd care,
Those to remind me they'd always be there.
I'll fight cancer with mind, body and soul, standing boldly, for it is His hand I hold.

Austin ran the Mercedes Benz marathon, 26.2 miles, in just over 4 hours. He finished...so will I.

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If our God is for us, then what could ever stop us...

Little Friends to Keep Me Company

Coming home, seeing my boys for the first time in weeks, and then taking a look at myself in the mirror...  I decided to look past the not so pleasing exterior and look deeper at what I had learned about the person starring back at me. I took a moment to remember defining moments of this experience. I hope to write about many of them, I want to share each step with all of you. But some of this, quite frankly is to fresh, to raw, to even relive for long enough to write it down right now. So many times in life we go through the motions. When we see others go through hard times, even tragedies, we ask, How do you do it? The response is often, "you do what you have to do". I believe that we navigate the journey of pain, of unknowns, of hardship, by sometimes doing just that. We don't really think about it, we just do it. For me, while I have been aware of the obstacles that cancer placed in my path, and while I decided consciously to fight it, coming home in some way made it... reality. This had happened to me and I had beaten it! It was a moment when my conscious and that phenomenon where you are sort of outside your body looking in, were completely united. I was humbled and proud. 


We all face troubled times. Consider what Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This was what got me through. I didn't throw my hands up shouting, what's the use...I can't beat this thing... too much to endure. I didn't roll over, pull covers up over my head and tell the world to kiss the moon. I with the rest of my "herd" decided to embrace this zebra cancer and run the race to win. There are always troubles in this life and the question is what kind of person are you. A "roll over and quit" person, a "go through the motions" person, or do you expect a victory, a success, a triumphant outcome to whatever you are facing? 


Cancer had always been a bad word, that had affected me, but hadn't attacked me personally. My strongest and most bitter taste had been watching its effects on my grandmother. Maw-Maw fought too. I can't help but believe that she has also been one that I have tagged when I needed a time-out from wrestling. Cancer is a strong opponent... but I've made up my mind and I will not be defeated. I CAN do all things, through CHRIST, who strengthens me. I am not going down, I am going up and coming through. I feel stronger everyday. I walk further everyday. I have fewer days when in bed or in the bathroom! 


I am walking in perfect peace. I know that while cancer is life changing, it does not define who I am. I have joy and a fervor for life that is deeper than I have ever had. From Steel Magnolias, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" well... I am... stronger than ever!

Weeping may endure for a night, but the morning will bring joy... I am winning this war.

Going back to Ocshner next week. As always, thanks for reading and thank you for your prayers.