He is the Potter, I am the Clay

According to my doctors, I am running about 2 weeks ahead of schedule. According to me, I am about 2 weeks behind where I'd like to be. Guess that means I am right where I should be! Wow... how wonderful to be right where God wants you. I'll be the first to stand up and admit, I'm not always, haven't been always, and never will always, be right on the path that God desires for me. But it sure is a good feeling inside when you know you are right where He's led you. What a blessing. It happened to me when I held my sons for the first time. The day I embraced my Maw-Maw like it was the last time ... because it was. The day I realized the depth of my Mother's love for me, and knew that in her arms was the safest place in the world. As weak as I feel, as difficult the pain, as horrifying the appearance in the mirror, I feel content with knowing He's concerned, He's here, I'm stronger because of cancer. 


My face has been smiling at full capacity this past couple weeks. My baby... Jordan turned 14. My first born... Austin ran and finished the Mercedes Marathon. Both achievements left me with a heart of gratitude. How awesome to be alive. To be able to see the achievements of my children. There hugs have never felt better. There smiles have never brightened my day more. I am a new person because of cancer.


I continue to receive notes and messages that uplift me daily from all of you. I really never knew how many friends I had. I regret that many people really never know how they are cared for. Some walk through life feeling so lonely and as a result...empty. The old adage "Don't wait till the funeral to send the flowers"... I am more whole and more thankful because of cancer.


I'm stronger, I'm a new person, I'm more whole and more thankful from a disease that in moments brings you to your weakest, not yourself, your most broken and at times bitter.


This is more than a race to finish ... it's a daily ...no, it's a moment to moment journey, into the most vulnerable parts of humanity. I am where God wants me to be. 


He is the potter, I am the clay, 
He molds and He makes me better every day.
With Him on my side, I've nothing to fear,
I rest in His arms, He catches my tears.
He knew what October would bring in my life,
He guided the surgeons who would hold the knife.
He placed in my path the people who'd care,
Those to remind me they'd always be there.
I'll fight cancer with mind, body and soul, standing boldly, for it is His hand I hold.

Austin ran the Mercedes Benz marathon, 26.2 miles, in just over 4 hours. He finished...so will I.

This blog has been viewed from the United States, to Honduras, to Russia, to Guatemala, to Germany, to Belgium, to Brazil, to France, to India, and South Korea. Thank You all for reading. Thank You all for caring so deeply. <3

If our God is for us, then what could ever stop us...

Little Friends to Keep Me Company

Coming home, seeing my boys for the first time in weeks, and then taking a look at myself in the mirror...  I decided to look past the not so pleasing exterior and look deeper at what I had learned about the person starring back at me. I took a moment to remember defining moments of this experience. I hope to write about many of them, I want to share each step with all of you. But some of this, quite frankly is to fresh, to raw, to even relive for long enough to write it down right now. So many times in life we go through the motions. When we see others go through hard times, even tragedies, we ask, How do you do it? The response is often, "you do what you have to do". I believe that we navigate the journey of pain, of unknowns, of hardship, by sometimes doing just that. We don't really think about it, we just do it. For me, while I have been aware of the obstacles that cancer placed in my path, and while I decided consciously to fight it, coming home in some way made it... reality. This had happened to me and I had beaten it! It was a moment when my conscious and that phenomenon where you are sort of outside your body looking in, were completely united. I was humbled and proud. 


We all face troubled times. Consider what Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This was what got me through. I didn't throw my hands up shouting, what's the use...I can't beat this thing... too much to endure. I didn't roll over, pull covers up over my head and tell the world to kiss the moon. I with the rest of my "herd" decided to embrace this zebra cancer and run the race to win. There are always troubles in this life and the question is what kind of person are you. A "roll over and quit" person, a "go through the motions" person, or do you expect a victory, a success, a triumphant outcome to whatever you are facing? 


Cancer had always been a bad word, that had affected me, but hadn't attacked me personally. My strongest and most bitter taste had been watching its effects on my grandmother. Maw-Maw fought too. I can't help but believe that she has also been one that I have tagged when I needed a time-out from wrestling. Cancer is a strong opponent... but I've made up my mind and I will not be defeated. I CAN do all things, through CHRIST, who strengthens me. I am not going down, I am going up and coming through. I feel stronger everyday. I walk further everyday. I have fewer days when in bed or in the bathroom! 


I am walking in perfect peace. I know that while cancer is life changing, it does not define who I am. I have joy and a fervor for life that is deeper than I have ever had. From Steel Magnolias, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" well... I am... stronger than ever!

Weeping may endure for a night, but the morning will bring joy... I am winning this war.

Going back to Ocshner next week. As always, thanks for reading and thank you for your prayers.

We all fall down

We all fall down... having people around to help you get back up... well, it just doesn't get any better than that. I've made alot of deals with God...He's always kept His promises. One I'd like to thank Him for blessing me with...YOU. I've experienced His mercy, His grace, His strength. I've seen God over and over through the people he has placed in my path. People who haven't given up on me. There is still a ways to go... but being remembered by you... who's love has helped me believe that when it's all said and done,  I have already won. 

 I am seeing more hair that decided to take it's on vacation. Lucky for me, I've got alot of it. Right now the sides kind of make-up for the back. Mama hadn't blown my hair dry in probably about 26 years, it felt good to have her do it again. Funny, Mama raised my sister and I to be strong...independent, but during a time when I needed help with everything you can imagine...I was secure in her arms. 

Looking around the Hope Lodge, I could see how lonely this journey can be. Lucky, I've had someone to hold my hand, literally every step of the way.  Mama, Aunt Bonnie...physically here. Friends around the world, sisters and brothers in the UAB-RNICU...Page who has checked on me daily...my sister Jenny...all of you who have prayed, here in spirit. I have never had to feel alone. This site has had close to 4000 views now. I am overwhelmed, to know that you have believed in me...miles away, but close.

Had a bad day! Dehydrated. 

My incision is healing and the bruises are beginning to fade. Weary from the journey, but I am pressing on.  Recent CT scan shows a small area that may be infection, we will watch it close. Not losing any sleep over that! I can beat cancer... infection, isn't gonna get me down. Just another bridge to cross. Right now I see blue skies outside, cancer is becoming a fading memory. 

Mama sat in the waiting room during my surgery, Dr Boudreaux had news for another family. A lady with the same diagnosis as mine. Carcinoid hadn't reared it's ugly head for 6 years. Now, she was in surgery, and there was little that could be done. Mama recounted to me how crushing the news was for her husband, others there that loved her. I don't know her whole history, but I do know that we all desperately cling to life. I'd ask that all of you who have prayed for me to add her to your list. Pray for those who are giving there lives to find a cure for this cancer. My Maw-Maw said, "I am not dying from cancer... I am living with cancer." Maw-Maw always had a way of seeing the sunshine through the clouds. My happiness and peace of mind comes in part from knowing that not one piece of the war is in vain. At times when the silver lining is hard to find, inside I believe one thing is plain to see...God is Soverign over all. 

I was asked recently to publish an article to help others who are fighting cancer. The article stresses the importance of nutrition and exercise. I've lost 14 pounds now and know that eating the right foods is necessary. Thanks for reading.

Lifestyle Changes to Fight Cancer written by David Haas an advocate for those fighting cancer

Lifestyle changes such as a healthier diet and more physical fitness are common New Year’s resolutions; just about everyone resolves to work out more, exercise smarter and better and eat right. People view the New Year as a new start and therefore tend to make their resolutions then. However, there is no time like the present to make the resolution to get more exercise, especially if you have cancer and are undergoing mesothelioma treatment to fight your cancer.

Your doctor will tell you that the best thing you can do while undergoing cancer treatments is to make major lifestyle changes. Get more exercise and eat better are the top two changes on his list. The reason your doctor wants you to do this is probably less out of vanity than your reasons for wanting to do this, but the end goal is the same: to be healthy and happy.

Cancer treatment takes a lot out of a person; the chemicals that are pushed into your body are difficult on you; you will become tired, withdrawn and often weak. Your body needs as much strength as possible to help you deal with this, to give you more energy and to adapt to the treatment in a way that lets you live a life with more quality. Quality of life is so important when dealing with cancer. The most important aspect of exercise when it comes to dealing with cancer is your ability to fight the disease. Your immune system is negatively affected by your cancer; the stress of undergoing treatment and worrying about everything you worry about takes a toll on your immune system and it becomes less capable of fighting the cancer alongside your treatment. The positive hormones produced by exercise help to fight the negative effects that stress has on your immune system and allows you to build your immune system back up to help fight the disease. You will feel better; the treatment will not make you as tired and withdrawn as it would without regular exercise.

In addition, your body will become stronger. Your other organs and your muscles will become stronger, which makes you stronger. Your mind will become stronger because of the positive energy that exercise promotes; you will be in a better mood, which will allow you to better handle the stress you are under and you will be able to manage a better quality of life. Take this into consideration and make a lifestyle change for the better, today. Being diagnosed with cancer is no reason to give up; it is the best reason to jump start your life and make it as positive as possible through a healthy diet and exercise. 

Thanks David for this article and for your commitment to this cause.

There's No Place Like Home

There are no words to express how much I miss all of you ... my boys, my friends. Recovery is slow, but I was told a great saying today. "This is the kind of pain you can recover from"... true that! The pain of loss, of people in our lives, we don't really ever recover sometimes from that, but this I will recover from. 

Chemotherapy has proven to be just what you've heard ... a nightmare. I loved The Princess Bride, you may remember the scene when the life was being drained from Wesley's body. After, he wasn't dead, but he couldn't hold even his arms up, well I know that feeling. My strength isn't so much right now, but I wanted to do another update for all of you. Your love and care for me has been my motivator.

Presents from home made hard days easier





Rated "O" for OUCH! Oh and "Y" for Yuck!

This is my Super Woman cuff from my little sister! I  feel stronger already.

Never underestimate the power of Clean.

A fleur de lis scarf from Mama





A beautiful necklace

This was Leslie, a fabulous nurse... from Birmingham

Dr. Wang mapped out my lymphatic system during surgery. He's a genius. He's a surgical oncologist who used to be a dentist and then a pathologist and then a surgeon and he's also a drummer! 

He implanted chemotherapy in my abdomen during surgery. This method allows for 98 times more potency then just IV. He wanted me to see his latest paper that was published. His patient outcomes are nothing short of a miracle. Thank You God, for men like this... willing to think outside the box ... so that people like me get to live their lives. Dr. Wang's final words in the room that day... "You don't worry about cancer, that's my job." yes sir. Dear Cancer, ready to take another vacation from you. And I hope to never see you again.

Not real excited about this part.

ouch

Ms Judy took good care of me.

Missing All of You

I cried as they wheeled me out. I was thankful this part was over, and one step closer to home.

Discharged!!!!!

Ready to go to my home away from home now.

Some days are just really tough to get through,

and you need a hug.

It was time to go and Mama decided that the best place for me to heal was to come home with her.

My Aunt Bonnie... also a nurse, came to take care of me too.

Even Pearl is trying to help.

There are moments I feel better, and then there are those when I feel the full weight of all that this body has endured in the last weeks. One thing is for sure, your love and your prayers speak loudly during those moments when breathing seems difficult. I love you and I'll see you soon.

Cancer isn't a Battle, It's War

The last four days have been emotional, physical and spiritual. I think that pictures for now may tell the most accurate account of what it's been like.

First battle--- getting me to wear a hospital gown! Yall know how much I despise them



How to get me to wear paper shoes




Ready to go! Paper Shoes and All!






Mama gets pinned with the official carcinoid zebra. She was already wearing her  Fight  Like A Girl Button

This was the beginning of a Sandostatin treatment. It would be alot at once. I had been warned that it would be tough... it was.



No one fights alone



Mama reminded me to Fight Like A Girl! She had to remind herself to do the same.

Dark is the night but I can weather the storm, I'll never give up, never give in, 

Never lose hope, never lose faith

Me with my cousin Paul, right before surgery.

Last words before surgery, "Don't Forget my Boys" 

A Promise Given: We Won't








First words after surgery "Where's Mama"

Mama, "What's my Blood Pressure?"

No stoppin now, I won't let you down





First post-op day

Mama carried her Carcinoid bags with her everywhere

We never quit

These green things are as horrible as the look on my face

Talking to the boys for the first time.

Time to Walk

Did I mention I hate hospital gowns

Respiratory, I think she knew I might take that from her and hit her with it

Who Dat





I'm ready to watch the game.And my wine is IV. 

This tailgaitin hospital style!

Dr. Beaudreaux came too!

Had to walk again during the half-time





My nurse Naomi! She was great! She dressed for the game for me!

 My fight isn't over, but I am raised up every day through the prayers and care of everyone at home. I would't be who I am without all of you. Thank You. I will not give up, I will continue to fight this thing ... and we will win!