Jordan, Mom, Austin
October 15, 2011

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

My heart identifies so deeply with this statement.

This picture was taken while I celebrated my 42 birthday. 10 days later I would define life differently, but one thing wouldn't change, I was still a Mother.


My sons have had the blessings of a good life. We've also been through enough pain to appreciate the blessings.


Every time I see these boys, I am made new. I never knew how deeply I could love, until them. When people tell me they are prayin' (prayin' yes, cause that's how we say it in the South), I ask that they put the boys first. 


The countdown to when I have to leave them for a few weeks is in the single digits now. Being away from them for days is hard, being away for weeks is even harder. Calling all Guardian Angels: Take watch and Take care. 


Happy to know a God who answers prayers. One of the many answered: Medical Insurance Approved!

Meet My Doctors

Dr Woltering

Dr. Boudreaux

They wrote the book

NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE



 My path was shortened because of those who had paved a way before me. Survivors who shared there stories, fighters who had fought the battle led the way to options, outside the box when, options within my immediate grasp were limited.



Upon finding out my diagnosis, and assured that I was not alone,  Dr. Richard Warner at Mt. Sinai in New York would direct the way to one of the few nationally recognized centers for Neuro-Endocrine Tumors #Carcinoid. Oshner LSU Neuro Endocrine Tumor Clinic knew immediately what to do. I was not one of a few on their patient list, I would be one of many who had a plan for battle.
                             Oshner-LSU NeuroEndocrine Tumor Program

           I was no longer sitting alone on the edge...



No One Fights Alone!



Land of Cancer

Just a few of the crew of the RNICU-UAB

The diagnosis of a potentially fatal disease makes us acutely aware of the impermanence of our existence. It forces us to reevaluate our contribution to the human story. Put plainly – we wonder how we will be remembered if we die. Ready to illuminate the landscape of my own life, my truths and journey in to the “land of cancer”, a foreign place filled with epic battles that no one is particularly prepared to fight. I will fight like a girl, and win! For now, I am reminded of a bumper sticker that read,

“What doesn’t kill you, still requires a co-pay!” 

 

After my diagnosis and with the support of my Mother, my sister, my sons, my friends, and the girls and guys of the RNICU-UAB, I dusted off my pocket survival manual for times of doubt.... I know that percentages are just calculated odds, and that some people beat them.

 For me, I want to tell everyone, it’s ok, I’ll be fine 100%, but then there’s that part that says, it’s too early to tell, so please don’t leave my side for long. Regardless of what cancer may or may not do in the future, right now – I am so very grateful for the time I have. It’s a nice feeling knowing that you don’t have to brave this land by yourself.
 

Everyone Needs A Hero

A ZEBRA?

My first visit to Ochsner-LSU NET Program
The day we changed 18% in 1 year, into 40% chance in 5 years

Related to the horse, but distinctively and conspicuously patterned in stripes of black and white. The term "zebra" in medicine does not refer to the striped African animal but to an unlikely diagnostic possibility. It comes from an old saying in teaching medical students about how to think logically in regard to the differential diagnosis:

 "When you hear hoof beats, think of horses, not zebras."

I knew the familiar phrase. I had already heard that once before by my own doctors when I had difficulty conceiving my second son. Fortunately, until now, I had never been diagnosed with a zebra! No black and white issue here… I knew I wanted the experts. I also knew that like the zebra I needed the herd. A zebra is protected by it’s family group forming a circle around the injured keeping it from being hurt anymore by the enemy. In my case, the herd had already circled. My doctors would turn out to be Dr. Woltering and Dr. Boudreaux at the hospital I was born in, Oschner in New Orleans, La. Also included, my Mama, my sister, my sons, my friends and the girls and guys of the RNICU-UAB. I’ll not forget the words, “I’ll be at your side every step of the way.” My friend, Page Paradise when I was overwhelmed and tears streaming down my face asking, what am I gonna do and she was quick to say, “We’re gonna fight.” I knew I wasn’t alone. Page and another dear friend, Amanda Estes immediately ordered buttons and distributed them to nurses I worked with. Each reminded me to “Fight like a Girl” and that “No one fights Alone”. I would fight and I wasn’t alone. Though carcinoid cancer was rare, I had something even more rare.  Everyone indeed needs a hero, for me, it’s all of them. My promise, I will fight, and I won’t let you down.